Adios, Amiga

Tonight I found out I'm no longer friends with somebody. There's a definite sense of loss here, a hint of sadness, but also a lot of relief and closure. Closure is good.

It all started a few months ago, in May. My sister set me up with one of her co-workers, and I agreed but didn't expect much. Thing is, when I met her I could tell she was different and I wound up liking her. I thought she liked me as much, so it really hit me when, at the end of date three, she told me she wanted to just be friends. I took that literally, although in hindsight it was very naive of me not to interpret that as "I wouldn't mind if I never saw you again." But either way we still hung out a few times and I'd accepted that friends was all we'd ever be, although I must admit I struggled with that thought.

So a few weeks ago we hung out again, and soon after I asked her on two separate occasions whether she was interested in doing this or that, and she said she wasn't, for legitimate reasons. Paranoid as I am, I took that as her giving me the cold shoulder, so I said to myself, "Fuck it, why waste all this energy on trying to create a friendship?" and I didn't call her for a while. And I was okay with it too--life's good, nothing to complain about. I was keeping busy and keeping happy.

Then last night, I was talking with my sis in the kitchen and she asked me if I'd spoken to her co-worker recently. And I told her no and I told her why, but I asked how she was. Anyway, the sis tells me how her co-worker is unhappy and that there are days when she feels like crying. So I think to myself that maybe I should call and try to cheer her up. Just as a friend of course, and I meant that.

So tonight I called, and she sounded tired and irritable, and said that she had "barely" eaten dinner. So I kept it short, "just keeping in touch" I said and adderd that we should hang out sometime. And she goes something like, "I'm going to be busy for a very long time." Which figures.

So now, unequivocally, we're not friends. Maybe we never were to begin with. And yeah, I do feel bad about it, because she's interesting, and I like interesting people. Maybe it's better like this. After all, it's too easy for me to like her. She's adorable. It's weird though, because for as little as I knew her, she introduced me to a lot of new things that I'm very much into now. I had hoped to get her into some of the stuff I like, too, which is what lovers do, yeah, but friends do it too all the time. I guess she just wasn't interested. Oh well, what I learned from all this is that though you may like someone, they may not like you back. And in hindsight, I've had to teach that lesson to some people before. So. Not friends. And I'm cool with that. Really.