Beginning to See the Light

Why is it that when I have homework due very soon, that's when I decide to do the things that I normally wouldn't bother to do when I actually have the time to do them? Like clean my room or check my email and stuff, or update this blog for that matter, although that I have been doing somewhat regularly.

Anyway, today is Ash Wednesday. For those who don't know, Ash Wednesday marks the beginning of the Lenten season for us Catholics. Lent, as the cooler of us Cats call it, is a 40-day period of personal sacrifice which, as I recall it, is designed to bring us closer to God as well as to commemorate the 40 days and 40 nights Jesus spent fasting in the desert where he was also tempted by Satan. Lent ends with Holy Week, which in turn commemorates the passion, death, and ressurection (i.e. Easter) of Christ.

Aside from getting ash imposed on our foreheads (as in 'from ash we came, to ash we shall return'), today is also a day of fasting and abstinence. This means we can only eat one meal today, and if things haven't changed, it should be fish. This fasting continues throughout Lent, although on Fridays only. We are also encouraged to give something up for the whole season as well, in line with the whole sacrifice thing.

I stopped going to Church on Sundays, Until very recently, I was going weekly without fail, when I realized I was becoming too dependent on God. This sounds very silly but let's say I had a big test or something like that. Then I would pray in Church that I'd do well, and going to Church and saying this prayer was more of a priority than actually studying for the test. So I decided not to go for a while. So far it's worked out, although I must admit I do worry that I may be damning myself from the Big Guy.

I like to think that God is a pragmatist and doesn't really give a shit if gay people get married, as long as they're happy, and I also like to think that he won't send good people to Hell just because they believe in Allah or Buddah or nothing at all (which is what we Catholics--maybe all Christians--are taught).

Given my taste for modifying my religion, I myself was surprised that I decided to fast today. So I went to school with only an apple to eat all day. Of course by eleven I was hungry as hell so a friend and I went out and bought a sandwich. And then when I got home, I pigged out on leftovers from our little Chinese New Year celebration last night.

So goes my attempt at reconciliation with the Man upstairs. Maybe I'll fast every Friday this Lent, I don't know yet. I want to, but it's really hard, which is really the point of all this. I'll try.